How he would describe himself...
Peaceful || Refined || Precise || Modest || Fair
How others would describe him...
Quiet || Polite || Effeminate || Aloof || Cultured
Fears
Sai's ultimate fear is not something he can easily explain or express. He was in Hiroshima after the bomb was dropped, and the sights he saw have scarred him for life. Even now, over half a century later, he still wakes up from nightmares. He isn't certain what exactly frightens him so much about it. The trauma, he supposes. He does have a more mundane fear, though - Sai is petrified of failure. When asked what his fear is, this is more likely what he will admit to. Even the smallest of failures can send him into a breakdown, simple things such as breaking a glass or misspeaking can ruin his day.
Dreams
Sai's goal is to be famous for being beautiful and to be successful because of his hobbies. Originally, his reasons for this dream were purely aesthetic. He saw the beautiful and powerful geisha and was so envious of them. But over time he wishes to accomplish this in order to prove to himself and those who doubted him (including his parents) that he is correct about his identity and abilities.
Peaceful || Refined || Precise || Modest || Fair
How others would describe him...
Quiet || Polite || Effeminate || Aloof || Cultured
Fears
Sai's ultimate fear is not something he can easily explain or express. He was in Hiroshima after the bomb was dropped, and the sights he saw have scarred him for life. Even now, over half a century later, he still wakes up from nightmares. He isn't certain what exactly frightens him so much about it. The trauma, he supposes. He does have a more mundane fear, though - Sai is petrified of failure. When asked what his fear is, this is more likely what he will admit to. Even the smallest of failures can send him into a breakdown, simple things such as breaking a glass or misspeaking can ruin his day.
Dreams
Sai's goal is to be famous for being beautiful and to be successful because of his hobbies. Originally, his reasons for this dream were purely aesthetic. He saw the beautiful and powerful geisha and was so envious of them. But over time he wishes to accomplish this in order to prove to himself and those who doubted him (including his parents) that he is correct about his identity and abilities.
The first thing to know about Sai is that, despite his cool and collected demeanor in public, he actually struggles with his own emotions constantly. He desires to be loved and admired, and yet he does not want to seem like the kind of person who cares what others think of him. For example, part of the reason that he wears such ornate accessories is because he wants people to compliment him, however when he is complimented he tries to act modest. He is extremely lonely, and yet is too afraid of opening up to others to find a lover or to make real friends. He has a massive group of acquaintances, but his fear of revealing too much about himself keeps the relationships from progressing any farther. No one would guess this about him - he dresses so flamboyantly that most assume he is comfortable in his own skin - but in reality his childhood of bullying and a lack of support from family and friends took its toll. He puts up a facade of confidence in every situation.
Sai is also an interesting mix of introvert and extrovert. He does enjoy social situations. Many times at parties or gatherings he finds himself preforming in some way, and in fact he often hosts his own parties or gatherings. However, he is not talkative at all, unless he is specifically requested to talk. In fact, he is very quiet and is more of a listener than a talker. He prefers to draw attention to himself through his appearance and actions rather than the volume or content of his words. Mostly this is due to his aforementioned need for appreciation. He wants others to speak behind his back about how beautiful, graceful, and talented he is. He wants others to want to be around him. At the same time, though, he does love being alone. He takes great pleasure in things such as going for a swim just for the fun of it, flower arrangement, shell hunting, and various other solo activities. He does not mind being alone, since it is an escape from constantly having to act. In reality, he would love to have someone to join him on these solitary adventures, but he is much too isolated from others to actually feel comfortable enough invite them. He secretly pines for someone to force himself or herself into his life.
Sai is obsessed with cleanliness and organization. While he is never one to display frustrations or throw a tantrum, he does have to bite his tongue to contain irritation when he is around someone who is very dirty and messy. At his home, all of his accessories are organized according to season. There is never so much as a hair out of place on his head. These are parts of the reasons he has become so skilled at things like tea ceremony - he strives for perfection in these hobbies, and his brain has a vast amount of information organized and accessible regarding all of his interests. When around individuals who are messy, he finds himself picking up after them without even realizing what he is doing.
Sai has some very creative hobbies, such as dancing, singing, calligraphy, and flower arranging. However, what no one realizes is that Sai actually displays no creativity whatsoever. He is so obsessed with following the rules and the traditions of these hobbies that he never really lets himself go and makes something new and personal. The creativity is there, deep within, but he keeps it bottled up so that he can achieve beauty according to the standards set by those before him. If something he makes or does is impressive, it doesn't matter to him that there isn't so much as a fraction of his personality and soul inside of it. For this reason, he scoffs at modern art. It is far too much about interpretation rather than beauty.
When things go wrong for Sai, he bottles it up. For example, if something stresses him out or disappoints him, all he does is take a deep breath and file it away for later. He is very capable of keeping his cool in stressful situations. He keeps bottling up his doubts, insecurities, and fears constantly. Others perceive him as someone who handles stress very well, and someone who is very fair. However, at some point there comes a time with the bottle overflows. In private, Sai will let out his aggression all at once. Maybe he will break something, or go hunting just for the thrill of the kill, or he will shut himself away and scream and punch the walls. He only will ever do this in private. Once his outburst is over, he takes a deep breath, collects himself again, and is once more the epitome of peace.
Sai's best quality is that is very responsible. If he has said he will do something, he is guaranteed to do it unless something dramatic gets in his way. He doesn't back out of things. He never does anything lazily or halfheartedly. He takes pride in what he does and always does it promptly and to the best of his abilities.
Sai's worst quality is that sometimes his calmness and inner peace comes off as cold. Other people do not normally receive genuine warmth from him, but that is because he is reserved and does not let his emotions get the best of him. He actually is not coldhearted at all but it is hard for him to express himself. Another negative quality is that he is very materialistic, and sometimes his beautiful material possessions get in the way of relationships and the non-material things.
To sum everything about Sai up - he appears to be very peaceful, collected, and intelligent. People like him because he is cool and has interesting hobbies. He can judge people very well and knows what to say to impress them. He is always a shoulder to cry on, and people consider him a good friend although he may or may not think the same about them. He puts on these airs so that others will admire him, because he is convinced that if he did not then no one would actually like him. In reality, behind closed doors, he is lonely and obsessed with never making mistakes. He is so obsessed with coming off as cool and successful that it prevents him from being creative or expressing himself. Japan's culture has a fascination with beauty and chasing perfection, and he has taken this to an extreme.
Sai is also an interesting mix of introvert and extrovert. He does enjoy social situations. Many times at parties or gatherings he finds himself preforming in some way, and in fact he often hosts his own parties or gatherings. However, he is not talkative at all, unless he is specifically requested to talk. In fact, he is very quiet and is more of a listener than a talker. He prefers to draw attention to himself through his appearance and actions rather than the volume or content of his words. Mostly this is due to his aforementioned need for appreciation. He wants others to speak behind his back about how beautiful, graceful, and talented he is. He wants others to want to be around him. At the same time, though, he does love being alone. He takes great pleasure in things such as going for a swim just for the fun of it, flower arrangement, shell hunting, and various other solo activities. He does not mind being alone, since it is an escape from constantly having to act. In reality, he would love to have someone to join him on these solitary adventures, but he is much too isolated from others to actually feel comfortable enough invite them. He secretly pines for someone to force himself or herself into his life.
Sai is obsessed with cleanliness and organization. While he is never one to display frustrations or throw a tantrum, he does have to bite his tongue to contain irritation when he is around someone who is very dirty and messy. At his home, all of his accessories are organized according to season. There is never so much as a hair out of place on his head. These are parts of the reasons he has become so skilled at things like tea ceremony - he strives for perfection in these hobbies, and his brain has a vast amount of information organized and accessible regarding all of his interests. When around individuals who are messy, he finds himself picking up after them without even realizing what he is doing.
Sai has some very creative hobbies, such as dancing, singing, calligraphy, and flower arranging. However, what no one realizes is that Sai actually displays no creativity whatsoever. He is so obsessed with following the rules and the traditions of these hobbies that he never really lets himself go and makes something new and personal. The creativity is there, deep within, but he keeps it bottled up so that he can achieve beauty according to the standards set by those before him. If something he makes or does is impressive, it doesn't matter to him that there isn't so much as a fraction of his personality and soul inside of it. For this reason, he scoffs at modern art. It is far too much about interpretation rather than beauty.
When things go wrong for Sai, he bottles it up. For example, if something stresses him out or disappoints him, all he does is take a deep breath and file it away for later. He is very capable of keeping his cool in stressful situations. He keeps bottling up his doubts, insecurities, and fears constantly. Others perceive him as someone who handles stress very well, and someone who is very fair. However, at some point there comes a time with the bottle overflows. In private, Sai will let out his aggression all at once. Maybe he will break something, or go hunting just for the thrill of the kill, or he will shut himself away and scream and punch the walls. He only will ever do this in private. Once his outburst is over, he takes a deep breath, collects himself again, and is once more the epitome of peace.
Sai's best quality is that is very responsible. If he has said he will do something, he is guaranteed to do it unless something dramatic gets in his way. He doesn't back out of things. He never does anything lazily or halfheartedly. He takes pride in what he does and always does it promptly and to the best of his abilities.
Sai's worst quality is that sometimes his calmness and inner peace comes off as cold. Other people do not normally receive genuine warmth from him, but that is because he is reserved and does not let his emotions get the best of him. He actually is not coldhearted at all but it is hard for him to express himself. Another negative quality is that he is very materialistic, and sometimes his beautiful material possessions get in the way of relationships and the non-material things.
To sum everything about Sai up - he appears to be very peaceful, collected, and intelligent. People like him because he is cool and has interesting hobbies. He can judge people very well and knows what to say to impress them. He is always a shoulder to cry on, and people consider him a good friend although he may or may not think the same about them. He puts on these airs so that others will admire him, because he is convinced that if he did not then no one would actually like him. In reality, behind closed doors, he is lonely and obsessed with never making mistakes. He is so obsessed with coming off as cool and successful that it prevents him from being creative or expressing himself. Japan's culture has a fascination with beauty and chasing perfection, and he has taken this to an extreme.